Its dark in here.
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?” “Yes it is,” the man replies. “You wanna buy a baseball?,” the little boy asks. “No thanks,” the man replies. “I think you do want to buy a baseball,” the little extortionist continues.
After considering the position he is in, the man replies “OK. How much?” “Twenty-five dollars,” the little boy replies. “TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!” the man repeats incredulously, but complies to protect his hidden position.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy. “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?,” the boy starts off. “Yes it is,” replies the man. “Wanna buy a baseball glove? ” the little boy asks. “OK. How much?,” the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage. “Fifty dollars,” the boy replies and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy’s father says “Hey son, go get your ball and glove and we’ll play some catch.” “I can’t. I sold them,” replies the little boy. “How much did you get for them?,” asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy. “Seventy-five dollars,” the little boy says. “SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That’s thievery! I’m taking you to church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness,” the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says “It’s dark in here, isn’t it?”
“Don’t you start that shit in here now,” the priest replies.
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I want a puppy!
A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex. The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father “Daddy, what are they doing?” The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says “they’re just making a puppy.” “OK” says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn’t probe further. The next day, the son bursts into his parents’ room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself. Knowing he’s in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table. His son asks him “Daddy, what were you and mommy doing?” Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says “me and mommy were making a baby.” His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies “flip mommy over, I want a puppy!”
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Now You Are A Fish
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of all Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbecuing beef every Friday. Since they couldn’t eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them.
Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. ‘Ole,’ they said, ‘since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there’s not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic.’
Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right.
Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.
The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole’s head and said, ‘Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now…’ he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole’s head, ‘now you are a Catholic!’
Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. But the following Friday evening at suppertime, there was again the aroma of grilled beef coming from Ole’s yard. The neighbors went to talk to him about this and as they approached the fence, they heard Ole saying to the steak: ‘You were born a cow, you were raised a cow,’ and as he sprinkled salt over the meat he said, ‘and NOW you are a FISH!’
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