Jan 24

Bedroom Golf.

Bedroom Golf.

Bedroom- Golf

 

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play. Normally one club and two (2) balls.

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the holes.

3. Owner of the course must approve the equipment before may begin.

4. For most effective play, the club must have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check the shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict the shaft length to avoid any damage to the course.

6. Unlike outdoor golf, the goal is to get the club into the hole, while keeping the balls out.

7. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as deemed necessary until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course in the future.

8. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course with special attention being given to the well formed bunkers.

9. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they may have played or currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason.

10. Players should assure themselves that their match has been properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being played for the first time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else playing what they consider to be a private course.

11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear along, just in case.

12. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before attempting to play the back nine.

13. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the request of the course owner.

14. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.

15. The course owner will be the sole judge as to who is the best player.

16. Players are advised to think twice before considering membership at a given course. Additional assessments may be levied by the course owner, and the rules are subject to change. For this reason many players prefer to continue to play several different courses.

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Jan 22

Airline Wash Room.

Airline Wash Room

Airline- Wash -Room

A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the men’s room was nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the door, it was “OCCUPIED”. The stewardess, aware of his predicament, suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room, but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP, and ATR”.

Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway.

He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “WOW, the women really have it made!” Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He thought that was out of this world! The button marked “PP” yielded a large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”.

When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me? The last thing I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!”

The nurse replied, “Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the “ATR” button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow.”

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Jan 21

Golfer and the Genie.

Golfer and the Genie.
Golfer -and- the -Genie

A husband and a wife were out enjoying a round of golf about to tee off on the third hole which was lined with beautiful homes.

The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice. Her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to their surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces.

They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife said, “Do you live here?”

“No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there and freed me from that little bottle. I am so grateful,” he answered.

The wife said, “Are you a genie?”

“Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, the third I will keep for myself,” the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes…one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded and said, “Done!”

The genie now said, “For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife.” I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire.”

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, “How long have you been married?” to which she responded, “Three years.” The genie then asked, “How old is your husband?” to which she responded, “31 years old.” The genie then asked, “How long has he believed in this genie stuff?”

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